The Culprits: Tom Evan Alex Dan Justin Zimmerman Kristy Frieds Sr. Chris
Lindsay Moira Denton Reiner Petey Rachel Mark

"I'm a big liability"
"No fish for coitus!"		 "Flavor explosion"
"It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except they're human and they run around"
"They mozel'ed my tov" "She's a veritable cornucopia of fun, for Dan"
"This is like lots of virginity for Alex" "Benny's dooth"
"The cow is definitely a first-round pick"

 "You never heard of jaundice in the ass?"
"Champagne supernover!" "I was a chunkateer before you met me"
"Looks like they've got some sort of lesbian thing going on"
"Just bring 'em down
and serve 'em up to Knaus"

"Minnesota should just be called shrinkage"		 "Merry Christmas, Mazel Tov!"
"I'm marrying Friedman as long as he doesn't make me become Jewish"
"Inflation is a bitch, man"
"I hope I have time for this... Your microwave is an abacus"
"I only light my charcoal with the Wall Street Journal" "When I coitus, there's no focus"
"ESPN said she was a sleeper"
"See, that wasn't really me burping -- that was my liver"
"Normally I would kill you, but by default I like you"

"I'm a whip-or-snap-her"		 "I dumb myself back up instantly" "Tom is the chocolate chip in my life"
"I was in Blockbuster and it felt like a small gopher was going to come out of my ass"
"Wow, unfrozen caveman lawyer just went yard on their fucking ass"
"Sphincter control"
"Semite, bad cars, obviously"		 "Such a hottie, such a terrorist..."
"'Such a hottie, such a terrorist'... that wasn't about me, right?"
"Your crotch is so high up, yo" "She's not a lab rat!"
"How do you kill a Mormon cat? First you've got to get through his nine wives"

"Trading ladles?"		 "You need a good five hours before you can go vertical"
"If I'm going to get shit all over my face, I don't want it to be beer"
"Sometimes Dan looks like a muppet" "I've been thinking about teleportation a lot"
"He's not going to make money by selling Bush at below market prices"
"Goddamn software is so fucking presumptuous"
"It's not a date if we go with two other guys, one of whom is supposed to be my boyfriend"
"He's got the two-pronged plug to her power strip" "I don't know, I've only
seen her in the dark"
"I won't finish that sentence because if I did, it would make the quote board"
"It's all about denture care"
"Setarip oy"		 "She's a San Francisco treat"
"Abstain from abstinence!" "I made out with Piazza, so I'm one degree from Alex Friedman"
"The house of representatives is just a bunch of uncouth fucking morons"
"If I were an ice cream cake, I wouldn't melt" "Beer run." "Sex." "Money."
"By the time my kids are 12, they'll each have 3 fingers and they won't put ketchup on their hot dogs"

"They've achieved some sort of instant yen, if you will"		 "It's where they hide the asians"
"Autistic kids are kind of like foreigners" "Tom's fucking hitting on girls... and not peeing"
"I think I would get along well with coneheads"
"He's Jewish and
that pisses me off"		 "Hey Crumpler, you're off injured reserve - start sucking!"
"I hope you enjoyed the past year, because the rest of your life sucks"

"Problem is, inter-mouth law is very difficult to police"		 "Fish isn't really poultry though..."